Its something very special, very personal, and a decision all a mothers to make. But I knew from the moment I found out I was carrying you that breastfeeding was the way to go. With so much information out there on the endless benefits of breastfeeding, it would be doing you a disservice not to at least try. Yes, it was painful at first and I cried from the pain, the frustration and the moments of not being sure. But the second you came into the world, you were nursing, even if there wasn't anything there, you were already practicing your latch, and while we had our hiccups, you were always good with latching. Daddy likes to call you "glug glug" because of the sound you make when you're feeding, its pretty cute.
With formula, its easy. You know how much you're drinking, and all the work is done for you, minus the feeding. But breastfeeding almost becomes a science with so many factors involved. It was definitely trial and error. I didn't realize you could develop an allergy to cows milk which can be present in breast milk, and you did. So I had to restrict my diet, no dairy and no eggs. I had eliminated spicy foods, roughage, and other things, but narrowed it down to dairy and eggs. Again, while it could be easier to just simplify my life and go to formula, I couldn't see myself being so selfish (to me it felt selfish, not so say it is for everyone).
There were days in the beginning where I worried I wasn't supplying you enough to sustain you, I was worried you were malnourished, but Daddy assured me we were doing just fine. I did however, cave in a few times and supplement with formula for the days after the hospital when my supply wasn't built up enough. There were moments where the pain was incredible, but I stood by the assurance someone gave me that just when you think its going to get worse, it gets better, and it did. I'm glad I stood by my decision to breastfeed. Because of it you are now thriving, you're so healthy, and happy! You never suffered from colic or GERD. You rarely had a problem with gassiness.
I enjoy the closeness we have when I'm nursing you. Nothing calms you or makes you happier than the boobie! I know I want to continue nursing even when I return to work in November and I will do whatever I can to facilitate the process, even if it means some extra steps in my daily routine. And I know that when the time has come to stop nursing, I will miss those moments with you. As much as my back hurts, I don't mind. I put all the physical pains aside because its worth it at the end of the day. Daddy was a great support and never let me give up because he knew this is what I wanted for you.
I was reading another mommy blog a few days ago, and she was writing about the negative feedback she received about breastfeeding. I couldn't wrap my mind around someone thinking that something so natural could be perceived as bad or dirty. Daddy printed out these cards we found online saying "THANK YOU FOR BREASTFEEDING". There have been times i've had to nurse you in the car, and I wish it wasn't that way, but for my comfort and yours, its just what has to be done. I hope that when you decide to have children and hopefully you do decide to nurse, it is more acceptable and supported. I will be there to encourage and support you in any way you need it.
I know one day we'll have this conversation, and it will be a very special moment between us. But there's really nothing quite like being present in the moment and writing these thoughts now. As I finish this sentence, I nurse you and youre back asleep. Goodnight and sweet dreams. Love, Mommy
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