When i'm with you

Dearest Ella-

I have to say, lately you are so much fun. You have your moments of fits and meltdowns, but you have such a personality. There are quiet moments, like today when you didn't want to fall asleep quite yet, I brought you into our bedroom and you played around, you love to bounce on our bed. You came up really close to me and started pulling at my lashes, twisting my nose and poking my eyes. Doesn't sound very romantic or sweet, but it was. I could hear you whispering your babble and talking thru the experience. I let you have your way until you started poking a little to hard.

I hope as you read this the day finds you happy and free. Lately i've been feeling a strange anxiety over a lot of little things. Things that I never paid much mind to. I feel as though i'm developing a bit of agoraphobia. Poppa says its just my hormones and I have to take control of my mind and thoughts. So easily said, but not done. The funniest thing is that I don't worry so much for myself, but I hope that its something I can overcome before it begins to affect you. I don't ever want it to inhibit your sense of curiosity, because I put that worry and fear into you. I think thats where I began to develop my anxiety, from my mother. She probably didn't know any better, but it happened. I'm sure its something I will take care of, yoga, meditation, peaceful walks. All things I need to incorporate into my life. I must make the time and energy for these things. I know its a part of parenthood that happens slowly, this whole balance thing. I do have to say though, having you & Poppa in my life has given me such a happiness. You both make me laugh to no end, especially the silly conversations I have with Poppa.

Today was Sunday and we had such a lovely day, it felt like summer in the spring. Our Sundays together are always so sweet, nothing really is ever planned out, somehow though we always have the greatest times together. I hope it always remains that way. I never grew up with much tradition or structure in my childhood. But Poppa and I are giving you all the things we didnt have, all the things we missed out on. More so me than him. Either way, I hope looking back on your childhood you can smile and say it was a wonderful time. I love you, momma.