Dear Ella,
I think sometimes as a new mom I set myself up for delusions of grandeur. I envision these elaborate scenes in my head of sunny days and picnics in the park with you giggling in the grass as I lay beside you in a beautiful outfit, completely put together and poppa taking priceless pics of the whole occasion.
Fast forward to reality: a fussy you in the backseat because we've been stuck at this light for too long, me wearing an outfit I had picked out for fall weather, even though its about 80 degrees outside and poppa driving trying to keep it all together. We have wonderful days together everyday, but the truth is, sometimes I'm too tired or busy to put on a dress with matching accessories, but don't get me wrong, i'll never step out of the house in sweats or pj's, so I settle on a more casual everyday outfit. Wait, where was this rant going? Oh yeah, Halloween!
Yesterday was another day I had envisioned in my head as being absolutely perfect, your first big, fun holiday, despite the fact that you're only 4 months old and have NO IDEA whats going on. I had bought you a ladybug onesie with matching hat, "perfect!" I thought. I tried it on you in the morning and you wore it until we were ready to go out, because despite the fact that we're on the last day of October, it is still summer hot outside! So I changed you and decide you'll wear it later, when we go trick or treating and it cools down. By the way, you looked absolutely adorable in polka dots!
We ran errands, had a yummy lunch, but by the end of lunch, you were so tired, you fussed all the way home. Needless to say, you fell asleep almost as soon as we got home, 5:00pm. Then poppa gets called into work at 9:00pm. What a bummer! I had already pictured you with your little hat, everyone saying how cute you looked, the oohhs and ahhhhs we all love so much. He suggests that we take you trick or treating once you wake up, but I know better. You're down for the count, and I would hate to wake you up, all for my own selfish reasoning. I felt somewhat defeated and thought that maybe if we'd put you down for a nap earlier you wouldn't have had a melt down in the car, and we'd be strolling pumpkin lined streets right now. After all, its your first Halloween! But then I begin to put things in perspective, I give myself a reality check. Sometimes I wish I could be heels, but if I did, I couldn't run around with you. Sometimes I wish I could wear lipstick, but if I did, I couldn't kiss your beautiful face. Sometimes, especially late at night, I wish I had a nanny, but if I did, imagine all the moments I'd miss with you! It isn't always perfect, and sometimes my picturesque ideas don't pan out, but thats ok, because we have so much fun grabbing coffee at Target, while you're in the shopping cart, going up and down the aisles at 8am!
So we settle in bed, relax for a little and I close my eyes and imagine what Christmas will be like.
Love you always, Mommy
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